Ticket To Insanity...

I just shelled out $91.00 for two tickets to two different shows, both sold out affairs. I dropped 51 bucks for the Vampire Weekend show at The Independent and another 40 samoleans on the Explosions In The Sky show at The Great American Music Hall. I'm okay with the forty beans for EITS, and Vampire Weekend's already been named band of the year by Spin Magazine, and everyone knows their finger is right on the pulse nowadays*.

Anyway, I could've gotten up early on those Saturday mornings and bought them both at face value, but I'm not the greatest sleeper in the world, so I take what I can get. Plus I have an exorbitant amount of money from stealing music rather than paying for it. I'll save that rant for another blog, but the whole gist of it is simple: the music industry sucks. Kudos to both Radiohead and Trent Reznor for giving their last records away for free, I hope Metallica is paying attention...

Okay now, I'm reeling. Reason being; do you have any idea what some scalping agencies are charging for tickets nowadays? TicketBastard's service charges are bad enough, but if you're so inclined to use any of these services like I just had to, take a look at what they're charging for some selected shows coming up:

Jay-Z & Mary J. Blige
The Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, PA, March 30th
section 1, row 15
$8,658.00

Are you completely fucking serious? Almost nine grand for HOVA and MJB? That's so crazy I can't properly even make fun of it because I'm caught so off-guard, it has to be a joke. Does the average hip-hop fan have $17,000 to take their date to see this? dfhjfvbjdfsjhfdskhjdslkhjdf See what you made me do, I can't even type anymore because my jaw just hit the keyboard.

By the way, these prices are in US dollars, not Tanzanian shillings or the Laotian kip.

Radiohead
Lakewood Amphitheatre, Atlanta, GA, May 8th
section 102, row M
$3,447.00

Again, for serious? I swear that this money could be used to feed at least 50 families in the above two countries I just mentioned. If Thom Yorke saw this, I bet he'd write a song about it, and I bet it would be awesome. And it would be FREE!

Brad Paisley
Reliant Stadium, Houston, TX, March 15th
section 118, row E
$801.00

I don't even know who Brad Paisley is, but he must be really, unbelievably good, because eight-hundred dollars is a lot of money for a redneck to be paying to see this guy, not to mention shelling out nine dollars a beer and... Forget it, too easy. Making fun of hillbillies is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Avril Lavigne
Allstate Arena, Rosemont, IL, March 21st
section 103, row R
$2,344.00

If you own a set of balls between your legs and you're paying 2300 bucks for Avril Fucking Lavigne tickets, so help me God I will come to your house and rip them off and feed them to you. I will drive all the way from Berkeley and kill you, I'm serious.

Panic! At The Disco
The Warfield, San Francisco, CA, April 10th
general admission, floor
$381.00

If you pay more than 20 bucks to see these guys, you're gay. If you pay anything at all to see these guys, you're still gay. Totally gay. Unless you're a girl, then you better be under 14.

The Police
Amway Arena, Miami, FL, May 16th
section 122, row V
$2,618.00

For some reason, I find this completely acceptable, because it's The Police.

Def Leppard
The Borgata, Atlantic City, NJ, April 4th
section 300, row 26
$3,345.00

I find this to be completely and hilariously ironic. Facts: this is in a casino in AC. The drummer has one arm. Slot machines are called one-armed bandits. You do the math...

Rush
Molson Amphitheatre, Toronto, ON, July 9th
section 101, row N
$1,807.00

Since it's in Canada, does the exchange rate apply? In that case, these are only worth $1,785.95 there...

Cher
Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas, NV, May 6th
section 5 FRONT ORCH, row EE
$1,712.00

This is the worst gamble in all of Vegas. If given the option, I'd rather step up to the Russian Roulette table. The one with two bullets in the cylinder.

Okay, I've had enough. I threw up in my own mouth not once, but twice. Strangely, I do feel better about being a fan of bands that no one's really heard of, because if I had to pay $1,500 bucks to see Bon Iver or Menomena or Jens Lekman, I'd definitely go insane.

* - what I really meant to say is that Spin has had their fingers jammed straight up their assholes since they went mainstream at the turn of the century. Read this...